Sunday, April 10, 2016

Rant Review: Switched by Amanda Hocking ("Romance" Breakdown)


Switched  by Amanda Hocking
Trylle #1
First Published: 2010
Young Adult, Fantasy
When Wendy Everly was six years old, her mother was convinced she was a monster and tried to kill her. Eleven years later, Wendy discovers her mother might have been right. She’s not the person she’s always believed herself to be, and her whole life begins to unravel—all because of Finn Holmes.
Finn is a mysterious guy who always seems to be watching her. Every encounter leaves her deeply shaken…though it has more to do with her fierce attraction to him than she’d ever admit. But it isn’t long before he reveals the truth: Wendy is a changeling who was switched at birth—and he’s come to take her home.
Now Wendy’s about to journey to a magical world she never knew existed, one that’s both beautiful and frightening. And where she must leave her old life behind to discover who she’s meant to become…
Thank you for coming by this little post. In it, I'm going to tell you everything that got me mad as hell about the so called "romance" in the aforementioned book. If you accidentally pressed this and want a non-spoiler-y/rage-y review, go to part one where it's mostly calm and collected and absolutely spoiler free :)

This is your last chance. I'm warning you. This is the point of no return!

So, to sum up what I said about the romance in my non-spoiler review: it's insta love. It's obsessive. It overshadows the plot. And it's just... bad.

But how bad?
Okay, let's get detailed.

Day One
Wendy and Finn barely talk. In fact, she accuses him of creepily staring at her, and he promises he will try... not to bother her with it?... Yes, he does not promise to stop. Just... not to bother her with it. Ookay.

Day Two
He insults her and acts like a total jerk, like, he could teach a lesson on "How To be a Douche in Four Simple Steps". And then, he ends up Edward style on her freakin' windowsill to break the news she's a troll and his job is to bring her to the compound. Yep. This happened.

But Wendy's reaction? She's sad that he's only stalking her as part of his job and not because he wants to.
How desperate for attention (not to mention f*cked up) can you be? Do I need to remind you you were creeped out yesterday?? Then she realizes that, wait, he's done this to other girls too. Which makes her utter this lovely gem:
"Crazy I could deal with. Slutty, not so much."
Crazy you can... no, just... no. Being a crazy-assed stalker bent on taking you to an effing compound is all fine and dandy, but the idea you're not the first he's taking to the compound (I swear to god this is not a euphemism) is not? Dear lord, save me from moronic main characters.

But wait, it get's worse.

Day Three
(haha, yes, that all happened in two days).

After declining Finn's "offer", Wendy spends this day moping and wondering why didn't she leave with him? 'Cause, she actually likes the idea of a life with him. First - whhhhhy? Second... when did you get the impression that "compound = a life with Finn"?..
After another attempt to make her come with him she says her final nos (cause of her family), and he leaves.

Day Four
And so, she spends the forth day depressed about his departure (Bella issues much?... at least Bella knew Edward and was in love with him for months before the depression period!) Luckily for her, he's not really gone and therefore can save her from a kidnapping attempt.

And god almighty, save me. She was slapped around, kicked and beaten - but she wouldn't trade it for anything because it led to Finn touching her and looking at her tenderly. 
And that's about all that happens for the first 150 pages. There is no plot whatsoever to accompany this horrendous romance...

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