A Goodbye Letter to The Raven King by Maggie Stiefvater | Book Review-ish

The Raven King by Maggie Stiefvater

The Raven Cycle #4
First Published: 2016
Hardcover
Young Adult, Fantasy
Rating:

Nothing living is safe. Nothing dead is to be trusted.
For years, Gansey has been on a quest to find a lost king. One by one, he’s drawn others into this quest: Ronan, who steals from dreams; Adam, whose life is no longer his own; Noah, whose life is no longer a lie; and Blue, who loves Gansey… and is certain she is destined to kill him.
Now the endgame has begun. Dreams and nightmares are converging. Love and loss are inseparable. And the quest refuses to be pinned to a path.

I can't believe that it's over. I don't even know if I have the words right now. I feel inadequate compared to the flourish with which this story expressed itself. In my head, I have something more. A way to articulate the thoughts and the feelings and the friendship I found within these pages.

How do I review something like this? What can I say, what can I not?

Blue and Gansey; you two were the reason I went on this journey. It wasn't just the idea about your doomed love and your stolen glances and touches, not so stolen now, although I cannot deny it's a part of it. I cannot pretend I wasn't waiting for THE kiss with a voyeuristic sense of anticipation.

It was that Gansey was a king, a leader, a dreamer. A believer, with charisma to spare and attachments no one can sever. If your found family chooses to forget the good in themselves, you'll remember it for them. And I loved you for it.

It was that Blue was magic without being magical herself, a quirky mass of righteousness and hypocrisy (but not in a bad way), a soul desperate to explore and expand and get out of its own skin. To touch the sky. And I loved you for it.

The two of you quieted something in my when I read of you.

Adam and Ronan; I wasn't counting on you two when I started this series. You sneaked up on me, starting out as two of my least favorite people in the book and developing into something more.

It was that Ronan was gruff and abrasive at first glance, but inside he was color and magic and fantasy. A chaos on the verge of breaking down, anytime. As Adam said himself, so much of Ronan is posturing, and beneath it all you find loyalty, love, and dreams.

It was that Adam was so self righteous and above everything at first, but then you realized he's been hurt one too many times to accept unconditional love--what is love? How do recognize love?-- and affection, and friendship. And so he stumbled and he stumbled until he was faced with the truth of love and life.

Of all the stories, your journey affected me the most. You inflamed something in me, a fierce need to see you both settled in a semblance of a HEA. I did not expect to spend most of the final book thinking of you guys. I did not expect your relationship to be THE relationship when I thought of The Raven Cycle.

I started this series anxiously waiting for one KISS. I finished it looking forward to another.

Noah; my cinnamon bun. The one character in this all who would always draw the short stick. You did not deserve any of what happened to you, and yet you kept your spirits up (no pun intended). I wish I could hug you and tell you everything would be okay. I wish that was the truth.

Cabeswater; You magical, fantastical creature. How you protected your magicians. How you fought. How willing you were to come to your humans' aide, when you could. All you wanted was to make their dreams reality; how could you know some dreams are nightmares?

I fell in love with all of you, as you've all fallen for each other. Your friendship is the stuff of legends, and all consuming thing that has it's own thoughts and feelings.

This strange, fantastical journey feels like a dream, one I did not necessarily want to wake up from. I wish there was something more, another book, or three, because I don't feel ready to let you all go.

You gave me the ending you deserved, you gave me the series finale I've been hoping for, but it could never be enough. I could never really tell you goodbye, my weird, otherworldly friends. I could never think of you and "the end" in the same sentence and have it make sense. You're more than words on a page.

Truly, something more.

New Moon by Stephenie Meyer | Book Review

SPOILER // SPOILER // SPOILER // SPOILER // SPOILER // SPOILER 

New Moon by Stephenie Meyer

The Twilight Saga #2

First Published: 2006

Paperback

Young Adult, Fantasy

Rating:

I knew we were both in mortal danger. Still, in that instant, I felt well. Whole. I could feel my heart racing in my chest, the blood pulsing hot and fast through my veins again. My lungs filled deep with the sweet scent that came off his skin. It was like there had never been any hole in my chest. I was perfect - not healed, but as if there had never been a wound in the first place.

THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS. TRIED TO WRITE IT WITHOUT IT BUT IT JUST DIDN'T WORK

I've previously mentioned the Twilight Saga is one of my favorite series, so this rating might come as a shock. To be completely honest, I really enjoyed New Moon the first... three times I read it or so. It wasn't until I was more versed with reading that all the issues I had with it sprang at me all of the sudden.

And once I realized all those things, I couldn't unknow it.

Because in terms of plot, this book would now make me throw it against the wall in a raging fit. Like, I'll be the first to protect the Twilight Saga - I still proudly admit to loving it, even when people scoff at me. But this book... This book...

Terror Attack in Israel

Breaking our regular schedule for some real time, real life stuff.

This is not going to be overly organized our thought out or stylized or anything, I just need to TALK and tag, you're it.

So, today. Today started as a good day. It ended with three dead, one critically wounded and three more severely injured.

Two terrorist (maybe three) walk into a restaurant. This is not the start of a joke. Reports indicate they went into a restaurant, ordered food, acted like any other costumer. They wore suits and had some bags, but nothing unusual. Until they took out guns and started shooting everywhere, going out of the restaurant to shot into another. Total mayhem.

In minutes, it's like this: every whatsapp group I'm in sends a: "IS EVERYONE ALRIGHT?" message. Replies come in, I do the same in other groups. Some people are not answering - time to personally call them. They don't pick up once, twice, nuggets of worry creep in.

They couldn't be... no, no, there's no reason for them to be there at that time. They're okay.

Luckily, this time the voice of reason is correct. No one I love or know has been hurt, that I know of right now. But someone else is not that lucky. Some's children, parents, best friends were just killed for absolutely no reason.

Sometimes, I fucking hate all this. HATE.

Not even going to check for grammatical mistakes in this one, I'm hitting publish and going to bed before I drive myself insane with all the thinking. Maybe tomorrow I'll erase this. Maybe not.

The Journey of a Coward | Finding Courage in your Opinions

I started blogging in 2012. I was shy of eighteen, and a coward.

Do you know the term coming out of your shell? At eighteen, I wasn't anywhere near my shell. I was burrowed deep, deep inside. I had just started opening my eyes, just started letting people in, just started smiling to people I didn't know and taking life a little easier.

But the shell was still in place, and I was afraid.

Blogging was something that started naturally. I found Goodreads, discovered a whole digital world of people who love reading and could talk books with me, and jumped right into it. I felt like a Digidestined receiving her digivice and transporting into another world. The real world I was meant to be in all along.

I was hungry and desperate for conversation on things I loved. To bring my thoughts--those thoughts that so often stayed in my head only because I was frightened of voicing them, frightened of saying the wrong thing, frightened to offend or annihilate--out there. To people who didn't know me, but would speak to me.

And still, I was afraid.

Well, that's not quite true. At first, I had no fear in this new fantastic world. I had only excitement. Finally, I could use my voice -- without ever opening my mouth, without potentially showing those around me how messed up, or geeky, or nerdy I was. Because in the internet you both exist and don't, you're both there and simultaneously nowhere at all. It was safe. Or so I thought.

Then I started seeing the drama. Started seeing how people attacked and trolled, how people were still close-minded and obscene about things that differed from them. How there was still derision and hate and anger - stronger than in real life, maybe, where you could watch your actions unfold and affect.

Because online, you're both there and nowhere... and your victims are just pieces of digital data online. You're Tom to their Jerry. Even if you throw a bomb at them, they're going to bounce right off. No harm done. Only these "fictional people" do exist. You may walk by them on the street and never know it, but they have a corporeal body and they bleed and they hurt. And so, my fear returned.

Every time I read a popular novel, I was filled with anxiety. Because what if I didn't like it? what if those predators turned their claws and fangs on me? How would I deal? At eighteen, I couldn't deal. This was a truth I knew about myself, but had no yet accepted. A truth I would never come to accept, which was the only reason I could make myself grow out of it. But I'm running ahead of the story.

Back to eighteen; so at eighteen, I made unconscious decisions to... cushion my ratings. I say unconscious because I was not aware of doing it. I gave books three and three and a half stars ratings that now, looking back, were two, two and a half star reads for me. In my mind, the three/three and a half ratings were the lesser evil. A safe balance between what I really thought... and what was dangerous territory. 

Sure, the book wasn't that great, and I felt nothing for the characters, and the romance felt flat, and the world building sucked but... hey, I didn't hate it, right? This is a phrase that kept popping often in my reviews... I didn't hate the book. Like that's some glowing endorsement. 

My words were still pretty harsh, and the books I truly hated received no such treatment, but most of the books received the "average" rating. A part of me figured, I think, that if the rating wasn't one/two stars, then the trolls won't come and the lions won't attack, because they won't have the energy to actually read the review and see I spoke of exactly one positive in the whole novel.

They keep their energies for the really bad ratings.

But again, I wasn't aware of doing that. Now, stronger and more firm (and definitely unapologetic) about my opinions, I can see that. I can almost map the way this all worked out in my brain, can almost feel the nudging of my subconscious danger, danger, move with caution. 

So, at eighteen, I was a coward. At nineteen, I was a creature of habit. I was a year into collage, found a source of strength in the friends I made there, was faced with some shitty life situations and went past them. I felt more comfortable in me, but that fearful habit to protect myself remained. I was still careful.

At twenty, I started to have a strong grasp on who I am. I stopped shying away from my opinions in public. I found my voice and the strength to defend what I believed in. I was no longer putrefied of speaking in public; I knew the pounding in my heart is going to be difficult, but I also knew it won't stop me. 

I became comfortable in who I am. I forgot to say "sorry" all the time, forgot to hesitate in a conversation. I was still shy, I would still agonies for days before making the first step in anything, but once I took that step I was all in.

I was infinitely stronger, and infinitely more myself. 

And so I started becoming displeased with my blog, with my online self, which continued to project a lesser self instead of who I am. Continued to show me a coward instead of a warrior.

At twenty one, I stopped apologizing. I started being firm and strict in my opinions. This trickled into my blog life, and brought on a wave of "oldies". I wanted my reviews to reflect who I am, and by doing so I realized the distressing truth of how afraid I was when I was younger.

Eighteen is not young. I was a late bloomer, for sure. It was just four short years ago, but if feels like a lifetime away.

I started a new blog, a blog that was my place to be and to exist and think exactly what I want to think and if someone doesn't like that, click away. I started to become unafraid of hate because, dude, I don't understand hate myself. I would never hate your for your opinions and beliefs if they vary from mine. 

I might not understand them, I might even think you're a complete moron--but I would keep those to myself, and I would definitely never comment and tell you it to your face. I would never be disrespectful towards you, and no, I won't hate you. My hatred is few and limited, and I keep it for people who have seriously wronged me in RL. And even then, it tends to dissipate the farther away I am from it.

And if you want to hate my opinions, hate my thoughts, hate the fact I have either of which and it's not exactly the way you look at life... well, I'm sorry to tell you, this doesn't mean there is anything wrong with me. If anything, it says something about you.

It took four years of blogging to get me to this point. It took the end of my last year of high-school where I met the first friend that forced me closer to that shell, two years of collage where I meet six fantastic people who balanced my trio and gave us strength, it took a year a half in the army and dealing with the unfairness of a system in real life as an adult that has to count on herself.

I FIND COURAGE IN MY OPINIONS. 
I AN NOT ASHAMED OF THEM.
I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOUR HATE.

And neither should you.

But the thing is; don't try to rush things. Don't beat yourself up if you're not there. You're growing into yourself, whether you're sixteen or sixty it doesn't matter. Don't try to force yourself to reach this place. I am happy with where I am today, but I am fully aware that in four years, I may be in a completely different place.

The way you feel about yourself is not something you can control.  I can honestly tell you that at eighteen, I hated the person I was. I can still remember and reprimand myself on conversations I had four years ago, when I should have said something but didn't. I was miserable with my weak self.

You can always strive to be better, to face things that scare you, to try to find your footing. But you can never force yourself to love yourself. Instead, you have to let yourself grow, you have to try to become a self you can love.

And finally, if you're read this far... I love you. I appreciate your opinions. I am never going to hold them against you; the farthest away you can take me is to say "I disagree, but it's okay if you think otherwise".

And to me, y'all are beautiful.

So if you need someone to talk to, I'm here.

The Iron Daughter by Julie Kagawa | DNF Review

The Iron Daughter by Julie Kagawa

The Iron Fey #2

First Published: 2010

Paperback

Young Adult, Fantasy

Rating:

Half Summer faery princess, half human, Meghan has never fit in anywhere. Deserted by the Winter prince she thought loved her, she is prisoner to the Winter faery queen. As war looms between Summer and Winter, Meghan knows that the real danger comes from the Iron fey—ironbound faeries that only she and her absent prince have seen. But no one believes her.
Worse, Meghan's own fey powers have been cut off. She's stuck in Faery with only her wits for help. Trusting anyone would be foolish. Trusting a seeming traitor could be deadly. But even as she grows a backbone of iron, Meghan can't help but hear the whispers of longing in her all-too-human heart.

DNF at 50%

This was such a painful review to write, you guys. I was almost 100% sure I would love this book because I really enjoyed  the first and then to have this happen... I even held a candle of hope that I'll return to finish this novel when I first wrote this review.

Alas, it was not in the stars.

I WAS BORED OUT OF MY MIND

The one thing I would've never expected in a million years of this books was to be so hella boring. Especially after the last book. Maybe it's me, because even running away from a dragon didn't manage to awaken any excitement in me.

I felt like reading my grocery list would've been more stimulating. Don't ask me why I felt this way when no one else seems to. I just did. I had to force every sentence I read, to try hold down my attention to the book one minute at a time to no avail.

I have no idea what happened. It's far easier for me to pin down what went wrong on the characters front.

I COULDN'T STAND MEGHAN. 

Where is the girl I met in The Iron King and when does she come back? Meghan was a brave, kind, clever girl. Now's she's whiny, annoying and stupid? Maybe she's a changeling? 'Cause that would've been one heck of a twist. But something tells me this is too much to hope for.

I want the girl who held her own in an unfamiliar world. The girl who fooled and outsmarted fairies and trolls. The girl who beat Machina. Not this pathetic excuse of her.

Especially not one exhibiting such a fierce case of THE BELLA SYNDROME

SPOILER ALERT! 

Animal Magnetism by Jill Shalvis | Book Review

Animal Magnetism  by Jill Shalvis

Animal Magnetism #1
First Published: 2011
Kindle
Adult, contemporary
Rating:

Sunshine, Idaho, is a small, sunny town - the perfect home for man and beast. Well, maybe not for man, as pilot-for-hire Brady Miller discovers when his truck is rear-ended by what appears to be Noah's Ark. As the co-owner of the town's only kennel, Lilah Young has good reason to be distracted behind the wheel - there are puppies, a piglet and a duck in her Jeep. Still, she doesn't find it hard to focus on the sexy, gorgeous stranger she's collided with. Brady is just passing through, but there's something about Lilah and her menagerie that makes the temptation of staying in Sunshine one that's difficult to resist...

When it comes to romance, Jill Shalvis is one of my favorite authors out there. So it came as no surprise to anyone that I loved this novel. What all her stories have in common is a strong, fierce heroine (and not necessarily in the I-can-kick-your-butt way), charming and sweet heroes and quaint and picturesque settings. No one does small-town and the closeness of it quite like her.

And this first book in her Animal Magnetism checks all those boxes in just the right way. 

Meet Brady Miller. Brady is new to town. Or maybe that's not the right way to put it as he has no intention of staying in town for long. A couple of days, tops. On second thought, after a chance encounter with Lilah young and his brothers' enticing him with a plane to fix, maybe a month. But nothing more.

Of course, a lot can happen in a month, as Brady finds out as the undeniable chemistry between him and Lilah explodes and sends them reeling. But is a no-string-attached relationship gonna cut it for these two?

Honestly, they were just so great together. They felt like they fit, like two pieces of a puzzle. This is one of those couples that from their first meeting on page, felt right. They brought each other up, they supported each other, they were a source of strength for each other... for me, these types of relationships are the best.

And of course, the characters surrounding them were fantastic. I adored Brady's adoptive siblings, and I can already tell which direction the next books are going to take, at least with one of the couples. And let me tell you; I am looking forward to it so much!

And of course, we can't forget THE ANIMALS. So many cute, adorable or darn right wacky animals in this book, and I loved every single one of them!

Twilight by Stephenie Meyer | Book Review

Twilight by Stephenie Meyer

The Twilight Saga #1

First Published: 2006

Paperback

Young Adult, Fantasy

Rating:

About three things I was absolutely positive.
First, Edward was a vampire.
Second, there was a part of him—and I didn't know how dominant that part might be—that thirsted for my blood.
And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.
In the first book of the Twilight Saga, internationally bestselling author Stephenie Meyer introduces Bella Swan and Edward Cullen, a pair of star-crossed lovers whose forbidden relationship ripens against the backdrop of small-town suspicion and a mysterious coven of vampires. This is a love story with bite.

Yes, I consider Twilight a five-star read. In fact, it's one of my favorite series. I read all the books in five days, re-read them countless times in the following couple of years after and they share an honor with HP - they got me into reading. While Harry Potter did start it all, Twilight rekindled that love. 

The first book in the saga is my favorite by far; It was before we encountered SERIES SPOILER annoying love-triangles and abandoning boyfriends. Before unplanned pregnancies and imprinting on babies END SPOILER. It was the simplest and purest of the four.

If you don't know the heroine of the Twilight Saga, you've been living under a rock. Her name is Bella Swan, and in this book she is very likable; she's smart, active, knows what she wants and pretty much goes after it. Even if it's a hundred years old sparkling vampire.

Her love interest is Cedric Diggory I mean, Edward Cullen. I think he's pretty swoon-worthy in Twilight. Definitely one of my earliest book boyfriends. He is sweet and caring, always putting Bella's safety first - even if the biggest danger to her is he himself.

The romance between these two is pretty sweet - it really does feel like they're meant for one another. And every turn, they chose each other. She chose to sit with him after she had a good idea of what he were. He chose to stay with her even when he knew things will never be easy. And nothing is too big a sacrifice to help each other.

All those are surrounded by colorful supporting characters from the bitchy friend to the cool sister, who add volume to the story. Which was, admittedly, a pretty simple one. It's not meant to be serious or anything like that - it's a book that's fun to read. A book that's there when you need a break from life and just want to read about two people finding each other.

Anything else is just decoration, and in this particular story I couldn't help but love it #sorrynotsorry