Existence by Abbi Glines / The First Book I Ever HATED

Existence by Abbi Glines

Existence #1

First Published: 2004

Kindle

Young Adult, Paranormal Romance
Rating: 

Re-Readability:

What happens when you're stalked by Death? You fall in love with him, of course.
Pagan Moore doesn't cheat Death, but instead, falls in love with him.
Seventeen year old Pagan Moore has seen souls her entire life. Once she realized the strangers she often saw walking through walls were not visible to anyone else, she started ignoring them. If she didn't let them know she could see them, then they left her alone. Until she stepped out of her car the first day of school and saw an incredibly sexy guy lounging on a picnic table, watching her with an amused smirk on his face. Problem is, she knows he's dead.
Not only does he not go away when she ignores him, but he does something none of the others have ever done. He speaks. Pagan is fascinated by the soul. What she doesn't realize is that her appointed time to die is drawing near and the wickedly beautiful soul she is falling in love with is not a soul at all.
He is Death and he's about to break all the rules.

Once upon a time, all the way back in 2012, I heard about Existence by Abbi Glines. Wherever I looked, people loved it. So, naturally I thought I would love it too. Oh boy, how wrong I was. This was the book that introduced me to the concept of hating a book. HATING. I guess we all have that one. This was mine.

The crux of the problem was Pagan, the main character. She is such an awful main character, her ridiculous name the least of her problems.

First of all, she's a user. She is in love with a guy name Dank (no joke), and yet she dates this other guy named Leif (again, I swear to god these are their names). So, in my book, that makes her shady af. But if that's not bad enough, she is also a stinking  c h e a t e r  okay?? She kissed another guy while having a boyfriend.

Second, she has a fierce case of the Bella Syndrome, which is when a girl is sooooo in love with a guy that when he leaves she breaks into tiny little pieces and can't live anymore. That's pathetic. Girls are stronger than that, dammit!

So I was already hating on her when the book decided to declare her "soul" beautiful. Oh, and on top of that, she's brave and strong. Ehhh, hello? Who is this Pagan you're talking about and can we have this book be about her instead? I feel like that'd be a much better read than this pathetic mess!

Now, I'm sure you won't be surprised when I say I hated the romance. I kind of hinted toward that already, but let's go into details. For one thing, it's freaking insta love. Like, couldn't you have at least given me a satisfying relationship to hold on??? There is no why, when or how to it. She sees him and BAM she's in love.

But it wasn't even a healthy love. He became the entire reason for her existence. That's not good, y'all!!

But then, to top that off you have Dank. This guy, okay? It's supposed to be impossible for him to fall in love with a human, because reasons. Ergo, the person that makes him fall in love should be super smart, and good, and all around amazing. Well, Pagan's special alright... (e)special(ly) annoying. I guess some guys find that attractive?

The accumulation of all these annoying things is the showdown. Or whatever the hell that was.

SPOILER So, there is the whole self sacrifice deal so Dank could live. But twist! It doesn't work like that so instead she must be brave and live so that his sacrifice wouldn't be for nothing. Ahhh, but gotcha! Choosing to live without the meaning of your existence is actually the biggest sacrifice of all, and oh, how brave and strong you are Pagan to endure it. Your reward.... huzzah, he's alive! END SPOILER

When do I get to shoot myself?? Seriously, what is this crap and why do people love this?

The single endurable thing about this whole mess is the last line. The last line. It made me consider for a millisecond reading the next book before I caught myself and burst out laughing.

As for the writing... It was okay. Yeah, that's the best I've got. I often felt like Glines dragged things way too long, and occasionally the speech was completely fake and unnatural. So, yeah, I wasn't super impressed ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Now, I would like to backtrack a little bit. I do think that my disappointment could've been less severe if the summary didn't reveal what Dank was, and instead we had to discover it with Pagan. It could've at least given some mystery to the whole thing.

New Moon by Stephenie Meyer | Book Review

SPOILER // SPOILER // SPOILER // SPOILER // SPOILER // SPOILER 

New Moon by Stephenie Meyer

The Twilight Saga #2

First Published: 2006

Paperback

Young Adult, Fantasy

Rating:

I knew we were both in mortal danger. Still, in that instant, I felt well. Whole. I could feel my heart racing in my chest, the blood pulsing hot and fast through my veins again. My lungs filled deep with the sweet scent that came off his skin. It was like there had never been any hole in my chest. I was perfect - not healed, but as if there had never been a wound in the first place.

THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS. TRIED TO WRITE IT WITHOUT IT BUT IT JUST DIDN'T WORK

I've previously mentioned the Twilight Saga is one of my favorite series, so this rating might come as a shock. To be completely honest, I really enjoyed New Moon the first... three times I read it or so. It wasn't until I was more versed with reading that all the issues I had with it sprang at me all of the sudden.

And once I realized all those things, I couldn't unknow it.

Because in terms of plot, this book would now make me throw it against the wall in a raging fit. Like, I'll be the first to protect the Twilight Saga - I still proudly admit to loving it, even when people scoff at me. But this book... This book...

The Iron Daughter by Julie Kagawa | DNF Review

The Iron Daughter by Julie Kagawa

The Iron Fey #2

First Published: 2010

Paperback

Young Adult, Fantasy

Rating:

Half Summer faery princess, half human, Meghan has never fit in anywhere. Deserted by the Winter prince she thought loved her, she is prisoner to the Winter faery queen. As war looms between Summer and Winter, Meghan knows that the real danger comes from the Iron fey—ironbound faeries that only she and her absent prince have seen. But no one believes her.
Worse, Meghan's own fey powers have been cut off. She's stuck in Faery with only her wits for help. Trusting anyone would be foolish. Trusting a seeming traitor could be deadly. But even as she grows a backbone of iron, Meghan can't help but hear the whispers of longing in her all-too-human heart.

DNF at 50%

This was such a painful review to write, you guys. I was almost 100% sure I would love this book because I really enjoyed  the first and then to have this happen... I even held a candle of hope that I'll return to finish this novel when I first wrote this review.

Alas, it was not in the stars.

I WAS BORED OUT OF MY MIND

The one thing I would've never expected in a million years of this books was to be so hella boring. Especially after the last book. Maybe it's me, because even running away from a dragon didn't manage to awaken any excitement in me.

I felt like reading my grocery list would've been more stimulating. Don't ask me why I felt this way when no one else seems to. I just did. I had to force every sentence I read, to try hold down my attention to the book one minute at a time to no avail.

I have no idea what happened. It's far easier for me to pin down what went wrong on the characters front.

I COULDN'T STAND MEGHAN. 

Where is the girl I met in The Iron King and when does she come back? Meghan was a brave, kind, clever girl. Now's she's whiny, annoying and stupid? Maybe she's a changeling? 'Cause that would've been one heck of a twist. But something tells me this is too much to hope for.

I want the girl who held her own in an unfamiliar world. The girl who fooled and outsmarted fairies and trolls. The girl who beat Machina. Not this pathetic excuse of her.

Especially not one exhibiting such a fierce case of THE BELLA SYNDROME

SPOILER ALERT! 

Rant Review: Switched by Amanda Hocking ("Romance" Breakdown)

SPOILERS // SPOILERS // SPOILERS // SPOILERS // SPOILERS

Switched  by Amanda Hocking
Trylle #1
First Published: 2010
Paperback
Young Adult, Fantasy
Rating:

When Wendy Everly was six years old, her mother was convinced she was a monster and tried to kill her. Eleven years later, Wendy discovers her mother might have been right. She’s not the person she’s always believed herself to be, and her whole life begins to unravel—all because of Finn Holmes.
Finn is a mysterious guy who always seems to be watching her. Every encounter leaves her deeply shaken…though it has more to do with her fierce attraction to him than she’d ever admit. But it isn’t long before he reveals the truth: Wendy is a changeling who was switched at birth—and he’s come to take her home.
Now Wendy’s about to journey to a magical world she never knew existed, one that’s both beautiful and frightening. And where she must leave her old life behind to discover who she’s meant to become…

Thank you for coming by this little post. In it, I'm going to tell you everything that got me mad as hell about the so called "romance" in the aforementioned book. If you accidentally pressed this and want a non-spoiler-y/rage-y review, go to part one where it's mostly calm and collected and absolutely spoiler free :)

This is your last chance. I'm warning you. This is the point of no return!

DNF Review: Rock My Bed by Michelle A. Valentine | Why I Couldn't Get Past The First Few Pages

Rock My Bed by Michelle A. Valentine

Black Falcon #1
First Published: 2013
Free Kindle Version
Adult, Romance
Rating: DNF

Everything always seems to fall into place for twenty-four year-old Aubrey Jenson, except for when it comes to her luck with men. Bad boys always draw her in and crush her heart, and Black Falcon’s lead guitarist, Riff, is no exception. After sharing a few wild nights together, she leaves him behind, knowing a guy like Riff isn’t the relationship type, merely just a play thing.
When she returns to New York, she tries to get the passion she felt in Riff’s arms out of her head by dating Isaac, a successful representative at Center Stage Marketing. Just when she thinks she’s forgotten Riff, she’s forced to see him again when her best friend, Lanie, ropes her into being a bridesmaid for her upcoming wedding to Black Falcon front man, Noel.

Sparks fly instantly between Aubrey and Riff when they’re forced to reunite, and suddenly she finds herself caught between the man that’s good for her and the one who completely rocks her in every way.

Why I Couldn't Get Past the First Few Pages

Warning: Vulgar language will be used in this post, which I don't normally do. Please stop reading if that may bother you.

Book Rant: Hush, Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick (Part #1: Overview)

Hush, Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick
Hush, Hush #1
First Published: 2010
Paperback
Young Adult, Fantasy
Rating:

A SACRED OATH
A FALLEN ANGEL
A FORBIDDEN LOVE
Romance was not part of Nora Grey's plan. She's never been particularly attracted to the boys at her school, no matter how hard her best friend, Vee, pushes them at her. Not until Patch comes along. With his easy smile and eyes that seem to see inside her, Patch draws Nora to him against her better judgment.
But after a series of terrifying encounters, Nora's not sure whom to trust. Patch seems to be everywhere she is and seems to know more about her than her closest friends. She can't decide whether she should fall into his arms or run and hide. And when she tries to seek some answers, she finds herself near a truth that is way more unsettling than anything Patch makes her feel.
For she is right in the middle of an ancient battle between the immortal and those that have fallen - and, when it comes to choosing sides, the wrong choice will cost Nora her life.

Anybody who loved Hush, Hush, you better leave this review five part rant right now because...

And you know what? I am done apologizing for hating this book. Done apologizing for thinking that the world is effing crazy for loving this... thing. I respect your opinion, and if you like it -- good for you, but I still can't understand it.

I don't even know where to begin, there is so much wrong here. So many ire inducing parts and moments. It's setting my teeth on edge just thinking of this book. But I guess I'll zero in on the characters and the romance. Or whatever the heck that was.

Only, I'm going to do a quick overview here and then proceed to rant in details over each and every agonizing bit in separate posts, because when I finished writing it all it was four times the length of my normal reviews and I didn't have the heart to subject you to that without at least giving you the option to choose whether you really want more of this rant in your life.

In short (because the long version is super long) - Nora is an idiot, Patch is a class A jerk, Vee is the worst best friend in the history of literature and I wish she'd die, and the romance doesn't make sense at all. Unless you have a thing for stalkers who force you against walls.  

Seriously, there is not one selling point for this whole mess. And if bad af characters and romance aren't bad enough, there was so much inconsistency. It seemed like Fitzpatrick threw in information and people without a thought, reducing or ignoring them when she felt like it.

Like the school assignment that brought Nora and Patch together, and then conveniently disappeared from the plot. Conversations that Nora was supposed to have with her mother, but didn't. Discussions Vee and her should've had, but didn't. Or the tutoring bit.

That's not okay. Don't just put in things if you're not going to go back to them. If you're going to pretend they didn't exist. So much useless information just clogs up an already murky plot, and for nitpickers like me it just serves to drive us crazy, because we effing remember you put it there.

And the ending... just no. And I'm not even going to elaborate on that part because it just pains me to relive this and I would rather scrub it from my mind. But if you want to read what the ending should've been, check out Kat Kennedy's awesome How It Should Have Ended.

So, this is everything in a nutshell. I'll be posting the links here and on the other posts for each and every part of this elaborate rant, so if you are looking for a hefty dose of sarcasm and frustration (albeit funny ones), you can just drop by by the end of the week or simply follow the blog for quick updates every time a post goes live! ;)

Buy Now 

LOL, joke!

Go To:

Part One: Overview | Part Two: Nora | Part Three: Patch | Part Four: Vee | Part Five: Is This Supposed to be Romance?