Tuesday, December 19, 2017

To Kill a Warlock by H.P. Mallory | Rant Review

To Kill a Warlock by H.P. Mallory
First Published: 2010
Adult, Urban Fantasy
The murder of a dark arts warlock. A shape-shifting, ravenous creature on the loose. A devilishly handsome stranger sent to investigate. Sometimes working law enforcement for the Netherworld is a real bitch.
Dulcie O’Neil is a fairy. And not the type to frolic in gardens. She’s a Regulator—a law-enforcement agent who monitors the creatures of the Netherworld to keep them from wreaking havoc in the mortal world. When a warlock is murdered and Dulcie was the last person to see him alive, she must uncover the truth before she’s either deported back to the Netherworld, or she becomes the next victim.
Enter Knight Vander, a sinfully attractive investigator sent from the Netherworld to work the case with Dulcie. Between battling her attraction to her self-appointed partner, keeping a sadomasochistic demon in check, and fending off the advances of a sexy and powerful vampire, Dulcie’s got her hands full. As the body count increases, Dulcie finds herself battling dark magic, reconnoitering in S&M clubs and suffering the greatest of all betrayals.
You know those books that make you scratch your head at all the reviews and high ratings they have and wonder if you've read the same book? Perhaps someone trolled you and gave you a fake copy? Because there is no way all these people love this book if they read the same version you did? Yeah... this is one of those books.

When I got this book I was extremely excited - I had seen how highly rated Mallory's books came, and I was on an urban fantasy kind of kick so she was definitely on my authors-to-read list. And I was doubly excited to have the opportunity to read one of her books for free on kindle. I distinctively remember the squeal I let out, even now, five years later.

Unfortunately, all those fuzzy feelings died a quick death. May they rest in peace.

I simply couldn't stand the writing. I wish I could tell you what it was about it that gave me such a visceral reaction; the kind of response that makes you wince and grit your teeth and hope the torture would be over soon. Rare is the book that makes me feel this way, so in its own way, this read was very special to me.

Not to mention, this book had a lot of repetitions. That's a particular pet peeve of mine. And you know how sometimes when you're in a group and someone laughs at his own joke and everyone just stares at him because it wasn't all that funny and he says "get it? get it?". Well... that's how I felt about all the parts in this book that were obviously meant to make me laugh. They didn't.

Maybe if the characters were compelling the story would've been saved for me, but they simply weren't. I didn't like Dulcie's character at all. She is frankly quite the slut. I'm definitely okay with characters sleeping around when they're not in a relationship and women being secure in their sexuality, but I draw the line at leading several men on. At the same time. It just grates on my nerves. You can do all those things without hurting others in the process.

I mean, the book literally ends with several loose ends--and at least three guys--open and unanswered, with Dulcie having two upcoming dates (with two different guys) and receiving a cute present from a third. (On a completely unrelated note - Knight is an incredibly stupid name for a character, and should be reserved to comic books if at all...)

And the bad guy was so obvious I simply had to sigh when he was revealed. I kind of had some hope Mallory will pull the rug from under my feet or something and at least give me a good twist or two. But nope.

During the entire time I was reading this book, the question "why the heck am I reading this book?" kept popping into my mind, flashing in colorful, glaring lights, demanding some sort of answer from me. Since I had none, I didn't give it any. If it was Present Me who was reading this novel, I would have DNFed it at around 20% if I were nice, but Past Me was a little more particular about dropping books, so she used all the willpower she had to finish it as quickly as she could so she could move on to greener pastures...

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