Saturday, July 15, 2017

Existence by Abbi Glines / The First Book I Ever HATED

Existence by Abbi Glines
First Published: 2004
Young Adult, Paranormal Romance
What happens when you're stalked by Death? You fall in love with him, of course.
Pagan Moore doesn't cheat Death, but instead, falls in love with him.
Seventeen year old Pagan Moore has seen souls her entire life. Once she realized the strangers she often saw walking through walls were not visible to anyone else, she started ignoring them. If she didn't let them know she could see them, then they left her alone. Until she stepped out of her car the first day of school and saw an incredibly sexy guy lounging on a picnic table, watching her with an amused smirk on his face. Problem is, she knows he's dead.
Not only does he not go away when she ignores him, but he does something none of the others have ever done. He speaks. Pagan is fascinated by the soul. What she doesn't realize is that her appointed time to die is drawing near and the wickedly beautiful soul she is falling in love with is not a soul at all.
He is Death and he's about to break all the rules.
Once upon a time, all the way back in 2012, I heard about Existence by Abbi Glines. Wherever I looked, people loved it. So, naturally I thought I would love it too. Oh boy, how wrong I was. This was the book that introduced me to the concept of hating a book. HATING. I guess we all have that one. This was mine.

The crux of the problem was Pagan, the main character. She is such an awful main character, her ridiculous name the least of her problems.

First of all, she's a user. She is in love with a guy name Dank (no joke), and yet she dates this other guy named Leif (again, I swear to god these are their names). So, in my book, that makes her shady af. But if that's not bad enough, she is also a stinking  c h e a t e r  okay?? She kissed another guy while having a boyfriend.

Second, she has a fierce case of the Bella Syndrome, which is when a girl is sooooo in love with a guy that when he leaves she breaks into tiny little pieces and can't live anymore. That's pathetic. Girls are stronger than that, dammit!

So I was already hating on her when the book decided to declare her "soul" beautiful. Oh, and on top of that, she's brave and strong. Ehhh, hello? Who is this Pagan you're talking about and can we have this book be about her instead? I feel like that'd be a much better read than this pathetic mess!

Now, I'm sure you won't be surprised when I say I hated the romance. I kind of hinted toward that already, but let's go into details. For one thing, it's freaking insta love. Like, couldn't you have at least given me a satisfying relationship to hold on??? There is no why, when or how to it. She sees him and BAM she's in love.

But it wasn't even a healthy love. He became the entire reason for her existence. That's not good, y'all!!

But then, to top that off you have Dank. This guy, okay? It's supposed to be impossible for him to fall in love with a human, because reasons. Ergo, the person that makes him fall in love should be super smart, and good, and all around amazing. Well, Pagan's special alright... (e)special(ly) annoying. I guess some guys find that attractive?

The accumulation of all these annoying things is the showdown. Or whatever the hell that was.

SPOILER So, there is the whole self sacrifice deal so Dank could live. But twist! It doesn't work like that so instead she must be brave and live so that his sacrifice wouldn't be for nothing. Ahhh, but gotcha! Choosing to live without the meaning of your existence is actually the biggest sacrifice of all, and oh, how brave and strong you are Pagan to endure it. Your reward.... huzzah, he's alive! END SPOILER

When do I get to shoot myself?? Seriously, what is this crap and why do people love this?

The single endurable thing about this whole mess is the last line. The last line. It made me consider for a millisecond reading the next book before I caught myself and burst out laughing.

As for the writing... It was okay. Yeah, that's the best I've got. I often felt like Glines dragged things way too long, and occasionally the speech was completely fake and unnatural. So, yeah, I wasn't super impressed ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Now, I would like to backtrack a little bit. I do think that my disappointment could've been less severe if the summary didn't reveal what Dank was, and instead we had to discover it with Pagan. It could've at least given some mystery to the whole thing.

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