The Raven King by Nora Sakavic | Well, That Was Soul Crushing

The Raven King by Nora Sakavic

All for the Game #2

First Published: 2013

Kindle

New Adult, Contemporary

Rating:

Re-Readability:

The Foxes are a fractured mess, but their latest disaster might be the miracle they've always needed to come together as a team. The one person standing in their way is Andrew, and the only one who can break through his personal barriers is Neil.
Except Andrew doesn't give up anything for free and Neil is terrible at trusting anyone but himself. The two don't have much time to come to terms with their situation before outside forces start tearing them apart. Riko is intent on destroying Neil's fragile new life, and the Foxes have just become collateral damage.
Neil's days are numbered, but he's learning the hard way to go down fighting for what he believes in, and Neil believes in Andrew even if Andrew won't believe in himself.

Do you guys hear that? what IS that sound? Oh, it's just my heart breaking into a million pieces and my soul disintegrating? nvm then.

Seriously, this book... THIS BOOK. Like, book one wasn't sunshine and rainbows. But it looks so bright and cheerful compared to this one??? This one is not just stepping up the ante and bringing the series to a new level, it shoots it out of the atmosphere.

Sakavic is done being cuddly sweet with us. Now the real thing begins, and it is fucking brutal.

"Look. Shit happened. Shit's going to keep happening. You don't need me to tell you life isn't fair. You're here because you know it isn't. Life doesn't care what we want out of it; it's up to us to fight for what we want with everything we've got.

Like, I knew the series will get there. I just didn't know how fast it will and how truly awful it would be. And on the one hand, ouch. And on the other... it hurts so good??? idk man, this book ruined me, it really really did. But I subjected myself to it twice. In three days. So... I guess... I'm a masochist?

You learn something new about yourself every day.

So, yeah. This book is all-caps PAIN. Lots and lots of PAIN. PAIN when you least expect it and PAIN when you definitely do. Sing it with me; PAIN PAIN PAIN. Like... what? WHaT? How is any of this okay?? How is this---just no. No no no. STOP HURTING MY BABIES, YOU MONSTERS!

Like, no joke, this book is VICIOUS. But also perfect. BUT ALSO VICIOUS.

Like, plot-wise, these things need to happen and holy hell the BEAUTIFUL CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT WE'RE SEEING HERE IS GLORIOUS. But from the unhealthy attached Nitzan point of view, these things should not be happening and FUCKING STOP IT BEFORE I HURT YOU.

I am a GODDAMN MESS. I am using way too much all caps and way too much "like"s for this to be considered any form of coherent thinking/writing. I probably need to chill. No, I most definitely do. BUT I CAN'T AND I DON'T CARE IF YOU JUDGE ME.

Like (again with that word...), I loved Neil in book one. You will too (the "or else" is implied). But Neil in book two? Neil in book two is an entirely new beast. AND I AM LIVING FOR IT. We saw glimpses of it in the first book; of who Neil could be if he let himself care, if he let himself set roots, if he chose to fight instead of flight. And Neil is getting there. He is getting bolder, and stronger. He is learning to lean, and he's starting to want to be leaned on. On court and off court. Out of the nothing, starts to emerge something.

AND IT IS ABSOLUTELY STUNNING.

As he listened to them, Neil realized he was happy. It was such an unexpected and unfamiliar feeling he lost track of the conversation for a minute.

As for Andrew, in book one I thought I was a bit cray cray for liking the short psychopath. In book two I'm judging everyone who doesn't like him. Seriously, the guy is so messed up in the head and I love it?? Especially because he is so unflinching and reliable and yeah way too violent and unstable but also absolutely honest and straightforward and loyal in his own messed up way??

And we're getting to see the Neil we deserve because of him???

And of course, there's the big THING there at the climax. If you still hate Andrew after that or whatever I request you swiftly and quietly leave this review. Someone is going to get hurt. And since I've never fought anyone before, it's bound to be me.

"We've all got different experiences, but we're used to needing help. We're just not used to getting it. But you've got us now."

Neil and Andrew are not the only ones growing. Kevin is, too, veeeeery slowly.

And my foxes. MY PRECIOUS FOXES. Their friendship is as heartwarming as it is dysfunctional, especially because it doesn't go without saying. Most of these people had lived rough lives. They are not strangers to the world being a fucked up place. They have not been raised to trust, or believe in, or support. If anything, they have been taught to be cold, and ugly, and solitary. And more often than not, not to believe in family.

And also, some of them have been taught to be absolute bastards, and not everyone can or would care for such assholes (I'm looking at you, twins).

AND YET HERE THEY ARE, CARVING THEIR OWN LITTLE MESSED UP, MISMATCHED FAMILY. They raly and protect each other, even when the other person is being a total dick to them. They respect each other's boundaries and limits, even as they try to find ways to reach them. Even if they don't quite like them. Because family is not really about liking someone or not. When you're family, you just are.

He was their family. They were his. They were worth every cut and bruise and scream.

NO, I'M NOT MAKING MYSELF CRY AT MY PRECIOUS REJECTS. STFU. 

The Foxhole Court by Nora Sakavic | I Can't Get Enough of This Series!

The Foxhole Court by Nora Sakavic

All for the Game #1

First Published: 2013

Kindle

New Adult, Contemporary

Rating:

Re-Readability:

Neil Josten is the newest addition to the Palmetto State University Exy team. He's short, he's fast, he's got a ton of potential—and he's the runaway son of the murderous crime lord known as The Butcher.
Signing a contract with the PSU Foxes is the last thing a guy like Neil should do. The team is high profile and he doesn't need sports crews broadcasting pictures of his face around the nation. His lies will hold up only so long under this kind of scrutiny and the truth will get him killed.
But Neil's not the only one with secrets on the team. One of Neil's new teammates is a friend from his old life, and Neil can't walk away from him a second time. Neil has survived the last eight years by running. Maybe he's finally found someone and something worth fighting for.

Look, I had no idea what I was getting into when I started reading THE FOXHOLE COURT. I didn't know it will take over my life with alarming swiftness. I didn't know it will become one of my favorite series ever. I certainly didn't know it will become my next obsession.

Heck, I bought the books on a whim after seeing Cait's excitement on Instagram (I probably would have never looked at that ugly cover twice otherwise), and started reading immediately on impulse.

Best. Impulse. Ever.

If he inhaled slowly enough, he could almost taste the ghost of gasoline and fire.

I don't think I ever had an experience with a book like I did with this series. It's not as much this specific one as the series as a whole, but we're talking about the first book now so I'll leave that for the final review.

So, here's what happened: I read this book in a day. Then I read books two and three the following day. And then... Then I opened book one again the day after and started reading from the very beginning and moved on to books two and three without pausing for a breath. I read the entirety of the All for the Game trilogy twice in six days. That never happens. 

I'm no stranger to re-reads. I do them often, as I find them comforting. But I have never, ever, done so immediately after the first read. That never happens. Except it did, with this series. And you know what? I am so, so, tempted to give them another re-read right now, as I am typing this.

It's safe to say THE FOXHOLE COURT is a one of a kind experience. I'm honestly not entirely sure that it's a healthy one, due to my level of fixation, but I am not complaining.

It sounded like a dream; it tasted like damnation.

It's one of the most addictive books I have ever read. If you told me to point a finger at what, specifically, makes it so unbelievably un-put-down-able, I would fumble with the answer. I would try to put into words the feelings that this book invoked, and I would fail.

It's so incredibly difficult to explain the magic of this book because, on the surface, there shouldn't be any. It's a sports book, and I'm no big fan of sports. It's a little on the far-fetched end of things because it requires you to believe in a few things that feel a little impossible.

Not the biggest of which the fact a team like the Foxes actually exists. In real life, wouldn't a coach that fails to deliver results for five years be fired instead of continually trusted and listened to? Wouldn't the University cut their losses early and reject our band of rejects in favor of good, stable athletes after they see their games? Talent shouldn't be enough.

"God damn it, Minyard. This is why we can't have nice things."
"Oh, Coach," someone said over Neil's head. "If he was nice, he wouldn't be any use to us, would he?"

Normally, that would turn me off, or at least make me skeptic. That's why when I see reviewers who do feel that way, I understand. But... on a personal level, it didn't matter to me. It simply became fact that our Foxes do exist in this world and that I much the better for it.

I am much the better for meeting Neil Josten. Neil is a living lie, a person who doesn't really exist. He can't. Not if he wants to stay alive. Nothing about the boy is real; from his age to his name to his background. Nothing save for his undying love and passion for the sport called Exy, and everything we learn about him throughout the book through his actions and interactions; Brave, broken, beaten Neil. Awkward Neil. Confused Neil. The Neil who doesn't understand friendships and doesn't believe in family because he never truly had either.

Leaving meant living, but Neil's way of living was survival, nothing more.

Neil is one of those characters that will make you want to read on and on. You will want to soothe his pain and panic and wipe his fears away. You will want to cheer and clap when he shows his bravery and hot-headedness instead of hiding them beneath a facade. You will want to scream of excitement every time he chooses to stay. To stay and fight.

Keys meant Neil had explicit permission to be here and do what he liked. They meant he belonged.

Despite all of his deceptions, Neil is extremely honest. He voices his opinions without being afraid. He watches carefully and he notices things about those around him. And for the most part, he is extremely free of judgment. He would not begrudge you your vices, or your background, or your sexual orientation, or anything. For one, he has seen a lot in his short eighteen years. For another, it's none of his business. And it doesn't really matter.

Hope was a dangerous, disquieting thing, but he thought perhaps he liked it.

The mess that is the foxes serve to highlight all of who Neil is without telling us. The weird, dysfunctional balance between them all comes crashing down more than once and yet somehow always manages to be shakingly restored.

People want to pretend people like us don't exist, you know? Everyone hopes we're someone else's problem to solve." He reached out and fingered the material. "They don't understand, so they don't know where to start. They feel overwhelmed and give up before they've taken the first step."

On the flip side, Neil served to highlight their traits, especially Kevin and Andrew. Andrew is kind of my favorite, being a total messed up psycho half the time who needs to chill out asap, as Cait put it in one of her reviews. But there is something so compelling about him. There is a reason everyone puts up with him; a reason Kevin trusts him to protect him; a reason his group listens to what he says. Part of it is fear, and part of it is that something about him underneath it all.

"I'm not a math problem."
"But I'll still solve you."

But even though Andrew is my favorite, I love all my foxes. I love Dan and Matt and their relationship (#relationshipgoals anyone??). I loved Nicky, the big flirt. I loved the way Aaron serves to show us more of Andrew, even if Aaron himself is a little meh. I loved Renee's weird serenity, and Seth's asshole ways, and Allison's Queen Bitch and Queen of the World attitude. I fiercely loved Coach, who would give these kids as many chances as they needed, and Abby, the only one among them that is allowed to worry about their physical well being as their nurse.

No one in this book is perfect. They are all messed up, and they will never really be fine, even if they might get better. They don't always make the right choice, and they definitely don't always make the good choice. Reading of all these people was like some kind of drug. Reading of Neil's love of the sport was addictive. Reading some of the horrifying realities these characters endured was fascinating and revolting.

"It's not the world that's cruel," Neil said. "It's the people in it."

If you had asked me a week before if I thought I could love such an impossibly messed up group of people, I might have said no. I would have been a major, giant idiot.

Moral of the story; don't be an idiot like I might have been. Read this book. It's FREE. 

The False Prince by Jennifer A. Nielsen | Re-Read Review

The False Prince by Jennifer A. Nielsen

The Ascendance Trilogy #1
Date Read: Dec 15 to 19, 2017

First Published: 2012

Paperback

Young Adult, Fantasy
Rating:

Re-Readability:

In this first book in a remarkable trilogy, an orphan is forced into a twisted game with deadly stakes.
Choose to lie...or choose to die.
In a discontent kingdom, civil war is brewing. To unify the divided people, Conner, a nobleman of the court, devises a cunning plan to find an impersonator of the king's long-lost son and install him as a puppet prince. Four orphans are recruited to compete for the role, including a defiant boy named Sage. Sage knows that Conner's motives are more than questionable, yet his life balances on a sword's point -- he must be chosen to play the prince or he will certainly be killed. But Sage's rivals have their own agendas as well.
As Sage moves from a rundown orphanage to Conner's sumptuous palace, layer upon layer of treachery and deceit unfold, until finally, a truth is revealed that, in the end, may very well prove more dangerous than all of the lies taken together.
An extraordinary adventure filled with danger and action, lies and deadly truths that will have readers clinging to the edge of their seats.

Confession time: I start a shit ton of series but finish only a fraction of them. And it's only because they're bad about a third of the time. The rest is... well, because I'm stupid, okay?

Take The False Prince for example. I truly and honestly loved this book when I first read it in 2014. I finished it being wowed, and excited, and super interested in reading the rest of the series. SUPER INTERESTED, okay? 

But then came the waiting period until the second book made it into my doorstep, and somehow, by the time I got it, I had forgotten that I loved the first one. Just... forgotten. So I put it on the shelf and barely even looked at it from that day on.

Finally, fate intervened. The third and final book was available on Kindle for, like, 3 dollars, and I succumbed and bought it. Now, I had no reason not to finish the series, and better yet, I was thinking of it again. Now, I couldn't just start with the second book, could I? Naturally, I had to re-read the first book first. And then it would be time for... THE BINGE!

Now, originally, I had given this book a 5 star rating. As I re-read this novel I had to concede that it was no longer a five star for me. It's still a wonderful story that I highly recommend, which is why I gave it a very respectable 4 star, but there were some things that just fell short considering I knew what was coming.

My experience with The False Prince, both times, started out slow. This book doesn't immediately make me unable to put it down. It took a while, say eighty to a hundred pages, for me to suddenly be grabbed by the need to read it. But then, when it came, it didn't let go until I finished reading, so I guess all in all it's a definite win for the book.

The strongest part of this novel is, hands down, Sage himself. As far as main characters go, he is a long way from perfect, and that's actually why I loved him so much. He is a brave, clever, headstrong boy. Who is also reckless, sharp-tongued and stubborn, with far too much ego at times. But he has a good heart, and his actions are always derived from that place. In fact, he almost never does anything for his own sake, but he always makes it appear like that's what he's all about, which just... it just made him extra lovable in my eyes.

Next to Sage is a cast of interesting characters; first, we have Tobias and Roden, the other two orphans fighting for the title of prince. These two fought for my affection and hatred throughout the whole book, and I honestly didn't know who I would end up loving and who I would end up disliking until the final chapters.

Then we have Imogen, a servant girl in Connor's house who catches Sage's attention. She is a fierce lady whom I loved, although her storyline made less sense to me the second time around. I remember feeling a bit baffled by the apparent affection between these two the first time around as well, but I definitely felt it stronger with this re-read. I just don't quite understand Sage's attachment and gratitude to her, seeing as she had very little to do with the actual plot.

It kind of felt the way it does when you listen to someone's conversation, then something distracts you and you return to listening at the end. You feel like you've missed something in the reasoning and progress of the story, even if you get the general gist of things. I am curious to see how their relationship develops--if at all--throughout this series.

Then we've got Mott, Connor's loyal right-hand man, and one of my favorite characters. Mott and Sage start off on the wrong foot but boy does he prove himself to be a good man at the end there. He's kind of, like, the father figure Sage has always needed but never had, you know? And, speaking of the devil, Connor himself was quite interesting as well. I never liked the guy, but I never quite hated him, either, if that makes sense?

Now, going into this novel the second time, I obviously knew what was coming. And even though I pretty much called it on my first read as well, I had much more time to look for the clues... and not all of them add up. Sometimes, Nielsen puts in paragraphs that make no sense in light of what's to come, and that feels like a real flat attempt at misdirection that could've been solved if only things had been phrased a little differently. I still feel things were very well done, but not as tidy as I originally thought they were.

Perfection by R.L. Mathewson | Book Review

Perfection by R.L. Mathewson

Neighbor From Hell #2
First Published: 2011
Kindle
Adult, contemporary
Rating:

Zoe is used to taking care of herself and has long ago accepted that if anything bad was going to happen, it was going to happen to her. So when she loses her job over something most bosses would probably be happy with and her life starts going down hill from there she doesn't expect it to get any better. She certainly didn't expect any help from the loud jerk next door, but then again she has nothing to lose so puts her trust in him and hopes for the best. What she didn't expect was the once in a lifetime opportunity that he offers her through an arrangement where they both benefit and no one is supposed to get hurt, but she should have known better because her luck has never been that good.
Like most Bradfords, Trevor has a soft spot for food, but that's about all. He leads a pretty straightforward life and likes to keep things simple and that includes his relationships. He wants the perfect woman and knows exactly what she'll be like. So when he discovers much to his horror that he's thinking about his frumpy little neighbor he decides the best way to get his head straight is by working her out of his system. He'll keep her around, but only until he finds perfection.

I originally read Perfection a long time ago. It was one of these romances that just stuck with me, so when I needed a good pick-me-up I decided to re-read this one and maybe finally review it. Well, here goes nothing.

It occurs to me that the reason I love this book so much is because Zoe, and how she feels about herself, strikes a cord with me. It twists my insides to read her inner monologue and matter-of-fact reflection on her body image... because I feel like I'm listening to my own thoughts. My own darkest fears and insecurities. I thought maybe I dreamed how much I related to her but NOPE, still relatable af.

Out of all the heroines in the Neighbor from Hell series, she is my favorite because of this.

But the best part about this story? Zoe get's the guy. Trevor is an eye candy, and he knows it. He is arrogant, self important and douche-y, like all Bradfords before him... and like all of them, he has a good heart. A heart that's just waiting for the right woman to devote itself to. And the more he falls for Zoe (despite his insistent otherwise), the better person he becomes. 

Of course, outside of the fantastic relationship and it's slow build, you have the usual hilarity that ensues whenever a Bradford (or heaven forbids, three) are on the scene. And as always, we are still baffled by the notion of how does a whole family gets banned for life from a restaurant!? 

Perfection is in it's core a romantic comedy that will make you love a jerk and be happy about it, dangit!. Hollywood, I won't mind if you adapt this one into a RomCom. Just don't get me an anorectic actress to play Zoe, please...