This is a post a long time in the making. Which makes sense considering I haven't written a proper, pure discussion post in a long while now, as I've been slumping pretty hard blog-wise. But every time I thought to myself "what post should I write next?" THIS is what came immediately to mind;
Who do I write for?
This blog is not very popular. In a lot of ways, perhaps in all the ways that matter as an online blog, it's not a success. I'm hesitant to say it is a "failure", but that is perhaps the most accurate description. No doubt a huge part of that is my fault, as I post irregularly at best and not at all at worst.
The facts remain that my average comment number on any given post is a huge zero and I only have about one reader who comments regularly (hey Stephanie! *waves*). It's nothing like my very first blog in 2012, where I got between three and five comments a post. I thought that was lame back there and was disappointed by it. I find that ironically hilarious.
That old blog closed because of the same thing that is happening now; irregular posting schedule, low interactive-ness, etc etc. But whereas I had so many thoughts of closing down the blog back then, of moving on, I do not have those same thoughts now.
For all the disappointment of getting no reads, and the huge slump of not reviewing many of the books I read... I've never thought about stopping reviewing books on this blog. This made me wonder... who, exactly, do I write for? What has changed since 2014?
Any reviewer who tells you they are not writing for others to read is lying. If we weren't writing for you to read it, we would do so on a personal journal that no one ever has to see. If I didn't want you to read this very post, I wouldn't have put it online where it's available to y'all.
We all wish and hope others will read and enjoy what we're putting out there. It's part of the magic of reviewing and this whole community in general. Where fandoms have fanart and fanfiction, the Bookish Fandom has reviews and discussion posts and tags.
And yet, I find myself replying to the aforementioned question with...
I am writing for myself.
Now, don't be thinking it's an altruistic desire... because it's not that at all. If anything, this is as selfish as I can possibly be. I am putting this content out there for the chance someone could enjoy it and maybe even validate me and my opinion a little bit (hey, I'm just a human), but the content itself is written for me.
Because it gives me something incredible. It gives me a shortened re-reading experience... without ever cracking the book open.
Do you have any idea how many times in the past I have encountered a book, or a movie, or an anime, or a show, that I have read/watched... and yet I can't remember anything about it? There is nothing more frustrating to me than looking at a cover or a title and drawing blanks despite knowing without a shadow of a doubt that I have spent time in this world.
It bothers me on such a personal, deep level.
But you know what happens when I have written a review on whatever it was? the words on the page trigger a slew of memories. I am suddenly able to put myself where I was when I read, what I read, what I thought, where before there was nothing. I am able to relive the emotions and have a shortened re-experience with the novel.
Be it good or bad, I am able to remember.
I love this. I love doing this and being able to recall what a book made me think and feel because of the words I put down on it in a review.
So I'm not going to stop this blog, even if I write barely five posts a month, on a good month. Because at the end of the day, while it's online so other people could read and enjoy it when I can just have a notebook for all those thoughts (although, let's be honest, at this point this blog is dead enough to be considered a personal notebook), I still write for myself. For that ability to re-read the novel through my review. And if I could maybe make some else feel emotions through this, all the better :)
Side note: if you're looking for more consistent content from me, friend or follow me on GR. There are a lot of thoughts that don't appear on this blog simply because I don't put unedited reviews on here. On GR, though, I puke all my thoughts straight after finishing a novel and then later edit them for the blog. So it's a lot more consistent, if also a lot messier.
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